In Tune
Since I finally started playing the piano again after nearly two decades of not touching the thing, I decided that it was high time to finally get the thing tuned. (It was really out of tune…) Fortunately, the guy who used to tune our piano is still in business, so we called him up and scheduled an appointment. Tonight was the night, and right on time the doorbell rang.
The first surprise of the evening was that when the tuner sat down at the piano, the first thing he did was to pull out a little handheld PC, and start up a piece of software that he could use to help him to tune the piano. He would sit there and hit a note, and the program would display a little frequency plot, showing how the note actually sounded, versus how it was supposed to sound. I was blown away by this; the last time we had our piano tuned, such technology simply didn’t exist! The tuner would use his tuning forks to tune the piano, and that was that! But now there is a much easier way.
The guy had some great stories too. When asked if he wanted anything to drink, he replied, “I’d like a strawberry milkshake.” What?! He went on to explain that he had been called to tune a piano in Wayne Gretzky’s house (WAYNE GRETZKY), and a lady had come in and asked him if he’d like anything to drink. So he thought, why not?! “I’d like a strawberry milkshake.” And about ten minutes later, he had a strawberry milkshake. So, he explained, he always gives this answer now, just in case he actually gets one!
He told another great story about another client who played ragtime and honky tonk music, and called him up to get his piano tuned. A few days after he tuned the client’s piano, he got a phone call from the client: “I just can’t stand the sound of this piano!” So he went back out to the client, checked his work, and verified that everything was in fact properly tuned. Having ruled out the piano as the source of the issue, he asked the client what was wrong with the sound, and the client said, “It just doesn’t have the same ring that it used to have!” The tuner didn’t know exactly what the client meant, so the client finally pulled out an old vinyl record of some honky tonk music and played it for the tuner. When he heard the record, he immediately recognized that the piano in the recording was simply out of tune!
So, the tuner had a simple solution: he went through and knocked one wire of every note flat. The client was thrilled with the result. Of course, on the way out the door, the tuner told his client, “You probably shouldn’t waste your money on getting your piano accurately tuned anymore…
After these fantastic stories, I decided that the best thing to do was to get out of the tuner’s hair, and let him attend to his work. He made quick work of the piano as well, and did quite a good job. (He also recommended some good brands for when I finally upgrade to a grand or a baby-grand piano.) Of course, on the way out the door, the piano tuner had one last gem to share:
“Did you notice that the moon is full tonight?”
“I knew it was close, but I didn’t know it was tonight.”
“That explains your behavior. [pause] Good night!”
I could barely restrain my laughter!